So I’ve been exceptionally quite for some time. Part of that is simply burn out. From work, projects (home inside and out, helping my parents, audio in multiple forms, etc).
I also hit a major low mentally. Some medication related, some past trauma (ptsd from army service), and some from just life in general. I felt like a hamster on it’s wheel pushing mach 2 with 2 broken legs and one missing! Add to that I am ADHD. Ive been seeing a counselor for years but honestly wasn’t putting in the work to “heal”. Recently started EMDR therapy and it has been incredible!
On top of this, my physical health has been problematic. Many of the issues I had from service took a nose dive very quickly. Back, neck, hips, shoulders. Unknown symptoms from the Gulf War exposure.
Last year I was hospitalized with acute bowel obstruction. Food was not moving out of my stomach quickly or at all and was fermenting in my stomach. If that sounds unpleasant, well it was. I spent about a week with an NG tube to clear it out. No food, no water, nothing even by IV except saline and antibiotics. Scopes done to check for damage. Nothing significant found so the diagnosis is IBS. That’s simply a catch-all for “we see the symptoms but can’t find a cause”.
May 1st, it happened again. This time, the pain was 10x worse. First time hurt, bad but I drove myself to the ER from work. This time, the ambulance was called to our home. Taken to a care center first to be stabilized. CT looked like I swallowed a neon sign. Transferred to the main hospital about 4hrs later and already had 5 doses of morphine. I was essentially unconscious but could still feel every thing. Same NG tube, but due to this time and a couple of rounds of severe projectile vomiting, it didn’t take as long to clear. The question was still why though.
New doc dug in further. CT showed a restriction of the small bowel from inflammation. Good news, its no Chrons disease or diverticulitis. Bad, we still don’t know the cause and might not ever. Next step is another endoscopy with a balloon to push open the restriction. The length of the restriction can’t be fully appreciated until the scope is done. No guarantee it will be permanent. Until all of this is completed, I am on a zero fat, zero fiber diet. So I’m sitting at home until this is done. Doing what I can. I push myself (my nature) but pay for it.
We’ve been working on our basement building it out with a bedroom, crafting room, and bathroom. I had the framing, drywall, and electric about finished before this last bout. A friend did all of the drywall finishing (I suck at that anyway). Another few weeks and the bedroom and craftroom will be finished. Bathroom is awaiting more fundage.
I have been contacted about a few audio projects. But I am no longer taking on any that don’t pique my interest. If I don’t feel that tingle, I pass. And I am ok with that.
As much as I have loved speaker building and all of the other stuff I do, I’ve been burning the candle on both ends. My candle just happened to be a stick of TNT. And the fuse was put out just in time.
Ive devoted a lot of time speakers, Mosaic Audio, etc for a very long time. At the expense of my own mental and physical health, and shamefully, at the expense of people that love me.
So that’s where my life has been for the last few years. I’m still here, still working, but more focused on what truly brings me joy, health, and peace. If it comprises any of those, I won’t do it.
Love you all. I could not ask for a better group of people that I am fortunate to call brothers.
